Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Explaining yourself. Don't do it.

Now that I'm on Pinterest I see thousands of awesomely designed meme quotes.
Apparently these have been around for a while.
I just wasn't plugged into Tumblr or other digi spaces where graphic designers get open on quotes and make them into fun bits you can share.

Here's one:

And another:

A run-in with a friend this week has taught me- when someone steps in the crap...
Call them.
Tell them they stepped in the crap.
Listen. listen. listen.
If they get huffy just say you will call them back and go away for a while.

DON'T- DO. NOT. try to explain why you are angry over email.
Don't do it three times.
Most people- friends, family, your kids, your co-workers- humans in general- will not read the email the way you intended it.
They will read this: "You suck. much. suckage. lots. you. forever."
You could be the most eloquent.
The MOST fair.
The MOST righteous.
But being right isn't the point in a relationship- especially a long term one.

And perhaps you (me- always me- me me me) are in an altered state due to whatever stuff you managed to dredge up from the bottomless depths.
This "stuff" is great for creativity and originality but also puts the "crazy" in
"That (Colloquial Feminine Term) is (Out)house rat KEE RAY RAY!"

You might not have an idea how angry you are until someone (your sister. who reads Shakespeare. who knows all about people who think in poison daggers)
This person of truth says:
"DUUUDE- you're like- AGGRO. all. the. time. these days!"
To this you say- "WHAAAAT? Insert LAAAME-O excuse here!"
Add another one for good measure: "Lameity, lame, lame!!"
The lady doth protest too much.

You thought you were happy. ????? You tell everyone you are SO. HAPPY!
Diane Keaton in "First Wives Club" SO. HAAAPPYYY!!!!
"Doing GREAT! Couldn't be BETTER!!!"
What. is. up?
You take mental inventory:
"On my (BLEEEP!) list..."
Holy COW!

You (remember- ME- I mean ME) get into a MAJOR tiff with someone you love and want to keep around because they are generally awesome if a bit judgey pants (but only sometimes).... (and only because they care).... (and because they value different things)
Which is WHY these different type people are valued and loved and appreciated.
 (silently apparently???).
So that "tiff" turns into a nasty fight.
And before you know it.
No more friend.

So the question is- how many times does this happen before you realize the problem is you?
You could blame the friend (or the family member or the co-worker)
You could get all huffy and post emo FB statuses that put-off EVERYONE.
You could say you are trying to stay real and only want people around who really appreciate you.
But in the end, you are alone.
REAL, but alone.
Balance and perspective.
That is what is required.
You make that call.
You make the obligatory apology.
Then you wait and hope the offended party..
 (who admittedly started the whole thing but really, who's counting? You ARE 38, right? Not 8! You wish you were 8. 8 would mean it's still socially acceptable to throw a tantrum. Tantrums are ALL the awesome sauce- but only when YOU do it. If someone throws a tantrum and you happen to be around, it's ALL the suck)
...hope the offended party comes back.

Did you learn from this experience?
Will it happen again?
You have a toddler.
Will you let it happen when she's 10? When she's 15?
When she's 21?
You have a husband.
He said do not write emails.
He said do not go on Facebook.
He said look! SQUIRREL!
But you did not go chase the squirrel.
You let the dogs out and they pooped all over your friendship.
Pick up the pieces.
pieces pieces pieces.
Put them back together again.
paste paste paste.
Oh no! I see the cracks!
But in some circles, that's called texture.
It adds character to the work.
Your life.
Two sides to everything. Two sides.
MuChos SmOoChEs!


  1. Being a total outsider.... I really like this post for a couple reasons.

    Man was THAT a rabbit hole!

    I hope you and your friend are able to make ammends. I vote for texture and character.

  2. I hope your friendship gets sorted out, Michelle. That was one helluva post, girl. You're so right about emails, fb etc not conveying the meaning you intended.


  3. Yeah, when I saw your FB post I sounds like you dug deep, got introspective. You reminded me to not forget to do that too..thank you. Well I hope it all works out in the end girlie! Hugs!

  4. I love your passion. I admire your bravery. I adore your sense of humor. You are sensitive and ponder the Big Questions. I'm sorry there has been some suckiness with your friend, and I hope that there will be a way to salvage the relationship. :( I hope she reads your blog and can put your voice to it, and get some perspective. {{Hugs}} to you, Lady!

  5. This is what I love so much about you! You may allow yourself to be angry but you eventually take a good look inward or put yourself in their shoes to see the big picture and allow yourself to see both sides.(did that make sense?)Anyway, I admire this about you. You are a passionate and compassionate person and I'm sure that your friend knows that about you and won't let this come between you!

    1. AWW! SHUCKS! Thanks Misty (everyone really!)! I write about it so I can keep myself accountable because I didn't like myself very much during this episode- all I can do I work to get past it and make triple sure it never EVER happens with anyone again. Thank you for the encouragement!


Ok peeps lets CHAT! You tell me what you REALLY think and I PROMISE to keep it open minded here.