words words WORDS!!!
I've been thinking about the process and ramifications of sharing personal details.
I LOVE talking- just give me the floor and I will tell you EVERYTHING.
I even tell job interviewers everything.
They don't appreciate it.
Don't they know it's easier to work with someone who will flat out tell you they made a mistake?
NOPE.
They want you to LIE.
They also want you to say "I've always wanted to work just for you!" My greatest life ambition- receipt check girl at Costco.
I don't lie.
Seriously- I don't lie.
Just ask my family- they will tell you hundreds of stories of how I made myself look bad just to stick to the truth.
Here's why- I care what you think and I want you around but telling the truth is easier.
If you break out because you don't like me that makes my life easier too.
It WiLL HuRT- but in the end it's easier.
I'm a lazy person who likes things EASY.
It's that simple.
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Why am I showing you this? It's just what I worked on last night. I'm thinking about making a minibook
about my summer vacation. This is 8 by 11- too big for a mini. I like that the mist got all over my photos.
It's transgressive- like I'm saying "Photos? MEMORIES? Who CARES! It's the PROCESS, BABY! That's
what MATTERS!" Don't quote me on that- been getting lots of flack about my viewpoints on art lately. |
I love hearing other people's stories.
I love telling truth even if it means I get my toches handed to me on a stick.
Several male family members have a strict tell 'em nothing policy that I like to subvert whenever possible.
They believe it means no one has enough info to judge them but what it
really means is no one
knows them. What's worst? In the absence of real details, people make shiz up.
The stories they make up are worst. Those stories serve them- not you.
Take control of your story.
YOU HAVE THE POWER. YOU ARE IN CONTROL.
It's your life.
It's best to have this open door policy when others have it as well. If you are explaining where you are coming from and the other person is using everything they learn to mess you up then you are the problem. This is what people mean when they say: You are awesome- you just need to get out of your own way.
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My cousin posted this randomly yesterday. So true in some many ways but also false.
Sometimes your best friend is the one that DEMANDS answers. |
Not that this happened to me this week. I actually got something much more interesting. A nasty conversation that sprung up from my telling too much then turned into a deeper experience.
The lesson?
Try not to avoid pain- you learn from pain.
Sometimes you are wrong and there are certain people in your life who will point it out- in public- stridently.
Ouch!
But it's gonna be ok. Because do you
really need a toady? A lackey? a cheerleader? Are you a WOMAN or a mouse?
Don't get me wrong. Negative people that make you feel awful all the time are not awesome. They bring nothing to the table. I'm not talking about them.
Challenging people are where it's at.
They bring IT- the thing you don't want to hear- the thing you have been running from. They have that innate bullcrap sensor.
Perhaps they smell it. Blood in the water.
And they show IT to you.
AAAACK!
Let me tell you a story.
Wait!- you exclaim- weren't you already in the middle of a looong story?
BAH!
It was 1998- I think. I was serving as an Americorp NCCC member in Oklahoma City where a tornado had laid waste to half the city- or close to that- you can look it up- it was bad.
I'm telling a story and it will have hyperbole but I ain't lying- just avoiding having to google half my life 'cause my memory sucks.
Anyway I was working in a warehouse for donations- sorting everything into boxes to be trucked to people who needed it directly.
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| Street poets, street truths |
First of all, you will NOT BELIEVE the crap people send when asked for donations. Do homeless, traumatized folks need your half full bottle of shampoo? Your used lipstick? Your dog bed with hair still attached? For REALZ! That's what I was sorting through!
Normally I would let that slide but can you imagine having to separate those items from millions of other items?
How much it costs the charity to dispose of those items because they aren't sanitary to distribute?
When you give- be giving. New and unopened toiletries.
Gently used clothes you have
laundered. Coats in winter. Short sleeved shirts in summer.
Don't make it an occasion for getting rid of the contents of your problem closet.
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| Dave and the mask from "V for Vendetta" separated at birth??? |
A.NY.WAY. My team took a break. We sat down to eat with some missionaries that had come down from- I forget the city. I was sitting in front of a dark skinned boy with a BEAUTIFUL sing song accent- I couldn't stop listening- I wanted MORE.
Where are you from? I asked.
Somalia.
OOO Somalis are hot! Sorry, I was 19.
He was 15 so I wasn't about to start flirting but I wanted to know more. At the time Somalia had people running around with machetes, chopping other people up.
He told me his story.
He was 13. He watched his whole family and village die around him. He ran away with his sister. She later died as well. He was angry. He wanted to go back and kill himself some Tutsies. He was very eloquent about the differences between the two groups and started to talk about what he saw.
That's when my team mate told him she didn't want to hear what he had to say!
Yo, WHAT?
I went off on her.
This may be the first and ONLY time you get to hear about this war from a person who's actually experienced it!!!!! This is happening- RIGHT NOW- if you don't like it why don't you get up and go sit somewhere else!!!
There was silence from everyone.
She stayed put. And the boy shut up for the rest of the meal.
I never got to hear how he survived. How he made his way to the embassy. How he now lives with a family who loves him. How he deals with real pain- real sorrow- real injustice.
I STILL wanna slap my former team-mate for being such a jerk!
What's worst- she treated me badly for the rest of our service year together- because I made her "look bad" in Oklahoma City.
What. A. Putz.
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| Make it. Take it. |
So it's up to you.
Do you own up to your mistakes?
Do you grow from the experience?
Or do you retreat to "I'M HURT" status and stop sharing?
This is when you fall into the trap.
You lose a valuable experience and you stop growing.
What do you think?
MuChOs SmOoChEs!
