Hope SPRUNG! September 2010

I created this page in September 2010 for Lola's first birthday. I found I was hugging her entirely too hard that week. I was, and still am incredibly, fantastically, overwhelmingly grateful that I got to keep her. I'm telling this story because it is truly the central story of my life. I have had a very comfortable, no problems kind of life. Then I was told that most probably my daughter would either die in utero or shortly after being born.

Hope Sprung! September 2010

This is strikingly awful news for any expectant parent. For me it seemed doubly so because I had waited to so long to have a baby. David and I are both in our mid thirties but we were together exclusively for 9 years before we got married. We love each other and both wanted a family but we kept thinking we needed to wait for the perfect moment- for financial "security", for the "grown up" feeling, to buy a house- all the excuses people use these days to extend the teenager stage for just 1 more year- or at least it seems that way to me now.

Then 1 day we decided Ok NOW. We found out I was pregnant right away (WOO HOO!!), next day I was out of a job (there went financial "security") and 3 weeks later I was given the news that a large Cystic Hygroma was growing on my daughter's neck- it was 9mm which is incredibly large for a baby 4 months in development.  I was told that it was a signal that there most likely was a "terminal" genetic or heart defect in the fetus. I was given a battery of tests and 6 weeks later I was told they were all negative but the doctor STILL recommended we "terminate" the pregnancy due to the overwhelmingly strong possibility of a mechanical heart or lung defect in the fetus. But no one could give me a definite answer- no test could be 100% negative. I had a decision to make and no expert, no doctor, no scientific fact- information always being my fall back position- was going to help me make it.

Devastating. 

Against all logic and reason I drew up inside reserves and found I believed with all my heart that this baby is going to be okay. My Mom and David agreed and we fought our own fears and those of our entire family to make sure baby Lola was born- and here she is 1 year later!!! She was 6 weeks premature and struggling through a diagnosis of fetal hydrops where fluid had accumulated around her neck and both lung cavities but after 2 months in the Columbia Presbeterian NICU she was ok- no defects or observable problems of any kind have developed. 

I wanted to post this because after I was given the first set of bad news I started doing research and it seemed the odds were very much against my pregnancy having a positive outcome. I want to give hope to other parents- yes the odds are very slim but the possibility is there. I have proof- she's walking, smiling and yelling for Dada at this very minute. And for that I am grateful and will never again doubt the power of hope, motherly intuition and a fantastic medical team.

As always- muchos smooches!
M.